Fishing With Kids Stories

I want to, but I don’t want to

on
November 3, 2016

** Note **  This one’s from a couple November seasons back. And as I fished past the same spot today, the memory of this day came alive again . . .

— — — — — —

My favorite eight-year-old looked at me exasperated, with his signature furrowed brow and troubled eyes. He animated the short speech with both hands and turned up the volume on his words. “Well Dad, I want to, but I don’t want to.”  Ahhh yes. That’s my son, because I’ve felt like that my whole life.

His tortured answer was a reply to my easy question: “Should we fish today?” But life decisions are hard for a boy so full of ideas and new plans for each day. I know it. I feel it. I remember it.

At that age, I hadn’t yet learned about the bargains we make with time — that we may do this thing now and the other thing later, accepting that upon fruition the second thing may be only half as grand as we’d hoped, if only because it wasn’t done first. These decisions are desperate when you’re eight years old.

He’s stuck right in the middle of two eras — old enough that the adults aren’t regulating every facet of his life, and yet not quite adept at wielding the freedom of choice. It’s overwhelming sometimes. I see it. I get it. I remember it.

In 1983 the summer was longer than you can imagine, and it was wonderful. My days were endless — until the sun went down. Every moment was all there was. Not the next thing — this thing. Time was big, and the days were stuffed with opportunity. But my infinite plans had me stumbling forward sometimes, chasing my adjoining intentions.

So I relieved my son of the decision: “We’re gonna go fishing for a little bit,” I said. “Let’s go.”

And when my youngest son heard the good news, he asked to come too.

Gearing up two young boys for fly fishing has enough moving parts, personal preferences and checklist items that it would challenge the best wedding planner. There’s a lot to it, and maybe that’s why we’ve done so much worm & bobber pond fishing since mid-summer. It’s much simpler.

So there’s two of everything: the right pants, socks, shirts, coats, hats, glasses, gloves. Bring enough bananas, granola bars, gummies and sunflower seeds. Then pack the rods, vests, nets, fly boxes and waders. And get my own stuff together. Over time, I’ve learned to prioritize the critical steps and mix in the rest. Aiden still needs help with the buckles. And every pair of waders has two legs. “Dad, can you help put these on?” Sure — I want to, but I don’t want to.

I didn’t grow up patient, but I’m growing into it. I’ve learned to pretend, and I’m crossing the line where I’ve faked patience enough that it’s becoming a real thing for me.

I tied the last soggy lace on my own wading boot and started the truck. Finally the stuff I didn’t want to do was done. And I really, really wanted to go fishing.

That’s all it takes. Just enough gumption to clear the hurdle of I don’t want to, then the reward is in front of us. And there’s really nothing like being with my boys on the water.

Once we’re out there, it’s all pretty good.

img_1920

Keeping them happy on a river has gotten a lot easier now that I’ve learned to simply say, “Yes,” as often as possible. “Dad, can I fish up by that tree?” Yes. “Can we build a rock dam?” Yes. “Can we go home now?” Yes — because we’ll be back soon enough.

The on-stream challenges have smoothed out too. The boys are more stable, less like wide-eyed, shaky-legged newborn fawns. They’re now strong and confident because they’ve fallen in a few times and gotten back up. They’re more like little men than little toddlers anymore — stuck right in between two eras.

img_1913

img_1932

img_1934

img_1956

 

Enjoy the day.
Domenick Swentosky
T R O U T B I T T E N
domenick@troutbitten.com

 

 

Kids

Read more Fishing With Kids from Troutbitten
TAGS

25
What do you think?

13 Comment threads
12 Thread replies
9 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
14 Comment authors
  Follow the comments on this article.  
Notify of

That’s so awesome. My five year old is still more excited about the snacks we’re bringing than the fishing. I think my daughter is actually more into the bonding time than the fishing. I appreciate going with each of them in different ways. My son reminds me of the goofiness I have either forgotten about or outgrown. My daughter reminds me that they won’t be kids for ever and each moment we share each others company is special.

Even though I don’t have kids to deal with any more, it certainly reminded me of another time in my life. Well done once again Domenick!

Greg

Thanks for taking me back to those days, they seem like yesterday but they weren’t. I want to, but I don’t want to go back to the day.
Treasure this time together because it slips by quickly. (I can tell that you do!)

Blair Piippo

The one point that I forget, remember, forget again, and….remember again, is that what I think is important and what my sons (now 14 and can out fish me if he wanted to…and 8 who just enjoys life) think are important can and are often different. Case in point, while visiting Colorado, we got caught in a huge traffic jam on the 4th of July. As my frustration, and blood pressure, continued to rise, the kids were laughing and having fun writing funny messages back and forth to the other motorists. Out of the 2 week vacation…that is still their… Read more »

Gary Kolanda

Very well written Domenick. Life is full of choices and understanding how a child thinks while putting yourself in their shoes is a very admirable skill. You and the child grows through those decisions. As the old adage goes, getting there is half the fun. Life goes by fast, enjoy the ride. Keep the great stories coming.

David Pcholinski

I remember doing this with my 2 boys years ago and saying to myself ” why am I driving myself crazy getting all this stuff together to go fish for a couple hours then come home and put it all away again”. Well that was 30 years ago, and I wish now I had every one of those seconds back again. The empty nest feeling is not that good, but things are looking up, 2 new grandsons to start it all over again with. I can’t wait!!!

Randy Fogle

Dominick, thank you for sharing your memorable experience. A fishing story without a mention of the catch; beautiful. Often, the best part of fishing is the company you fish with and the experiences that you share with each other. It’s even better when it’s with your own children, or in your kids experience with their dad!

Kerry Gubits

My boys are now 34 and 37, with more than 25 years of fly fishing under their belts. The oldest was playing in riverbeds when he was 3, and his dad was carrying him into canyons on his shoulders. Nothing beats time on the water with your kids.

Lou Grobmyer

I went thru the same with my son and now the time based negotiation is going on with my grandsons. Almost 30 years apart and the same issues.

Keep writing. Your missives often educate and always bring a smile to my face.

Lou

Mike Lenosky

A lot of love in that writing.I remember what my dad told me when I had my first child-When you come home from work and you can’t wait to hit the couch and your son or daughter asks “can we do this or that dad?”(fish,hunt scout,catch ball what ever)you get your butt up and do it.Life is short .

Awesome article. Our fly fishing fellowship, the Flyfishers at the Crossing, has a motto that fits this story. “It isn’t about the fly fishing”. My children are much older now and I’d give anything to go back and do it again

Bob Brazier

Boy, do I remember those days! Would give a million (figuratively) to have them back. Kids catching their first trout on a fly, belly-flopping in cold, clear mountain water. Laughing, teasing and great fun just being there together. Slinging little ones over your shoulder to stand on your fanny pack so you can move to “better” water. Memories that play like a good movie in your mind and never get old. Make them while you can. The years go by fast!

Gene Walk

Great pic of you and the boys!

Domenick Swentosky
BELLEFONTE, PA

Hi. I'm a father of two young boys, a husband, author, fly fishing guide and a musician. I fish for wild brown trout in the cool limestone waters of Central Pennsylvania year round. This is my home, and I love it. Friends. Family. And the river.

STICKERS
STICKERS
TCO Fly Shop
TAGS
dead drift philosophy shark Night Fishing Wild Mushrooms summer small streams bar boots TU suspender fishing FishHard PFBC traction walking eggs spawning tight line nymphing George Daniel front ended friendship droppers Plans Fly Fishing wet flies rigs come on man beadhead tips Fifty Tips thunderstorm stinky bass dog Sawyer Quote big fish Whiskey giveaway etiquette split shot State College family rookies Wild Brown Trout spot burning Dry-Dropper home-stream knots wild trout fishing tips fall indicator nymphing saltwater DJS Fly Casting One Great Tip Galloup tight lining Floating fly line favorite catch and release Pennsylvania Burke fluke surf fishing regulations stocked trout comp fishing conservation PSA bite windows strip set drop shot nymphing Weather nymphs efficiency night-sighter Buggers dorsey yarn indicator tracks streamside hiking swinging Fly rods winter fly fishing flood mayfly nymphing winter fishing river strategy Joey Backing Barrel wading boots Wild vs Stocked reading water fly rod Trout Unlimited photography Night net Press BES Ask an Expert Tippet Rings Harvey Pusher Resources It's just fishing falling in explore indicator fishing backcountry leaders tenkara last cast Central PA Christmas Lights Stockies Troutbitten Fly Box Boat marginal water Joe Humphreys simplicity Mystery Namer big brown trout winter drifting camera musician silence carp Gierach wading DHALO Memories Sighter tippet wildlife brown trout science matters mousing patience History gear fighting fish nymphing tips fishing with kids ice Dad travel Bad Mother Camping Night Fishing Chapters fly patterns Grobe Industry Stuff Baseball Little Juniata River dry fly fishing cookout public land Doh Rich Dylan Headbanger Sculpin LBI Streamers Float Fishing waders Aiden wet fly fishing flies DIY Jeff Grandfather Peace George Harvey tightline Big Trout How it Started skunked Euro-Nymphing friends snags trout bum Presentations rules Trust mud Spring Creek summertime fishing club fishing montana safety high water fly fsihing boys mistakes float dry flies mono rig angler types PA Gold Streamer fishing brookies backcast wet wading posted land Whiskey Drinker the Mono Rig solitude Fish Hard Film Orvis brush fishing Davy Wotten tiny flies fly box Oakiewear Discovery time casting fly tying